This is a post which I feel I must get off my chest immediately.
I am recently in a peaceful mode, because thank god, I am more willing to follow what my heart tells me, and I take actions to get rid of things, people, memory, whatever, that no longer serves in my life.
Lol.. But I happened to saw a picture of my ex married with a girl who he has a crush on for.. who knows how long. So, believe it. Believe when your heart tries to tell you something. Believe in yourself, your intuitions.
I am no bitter woman, not feeling jealous, upset, or devastated.
My reaction was “ah-ha”.
So this was it.
So this is why, although he is a person who posts on Facebook regularly, but wishy washy on declaring your relationship on Facebook, on the excuse that he is old and it is not his style to announce the world his personal life. The next things you see are pictures of him and his new girlfriend posted frequently. zzz. Excuses. (Btw, i find it annoying and have eliminated unwanted items from my Facebook.)
And among common friends, your relationship would be very secretively kept until it cannot be.
And he never tried to introduce you to his own friends. Maybe they are too old. You won’t like their activities.
And he delays introducing his family to you, with more excuses that I can’t be bothered to say. He eventually did, but did not try to let you integrate. It is not in his wish list. And he could not be bothered to integrate into your family, even though you know your family are the loveliest bunch of people you know.
This is why, he was often over sensitive and dismissive and picky towards you. And you wondered whats f**king wrong. No. There’s nothing wrong with you. The answer is, “He does not love you.”
And he would not be willing to pay when you go out. He will press you for payment if you owe him money. He will call you names. After you broke up with him, you would realise he has been bad mouthing you with twisted facts in front of his crush and your other common friends. It does not matter that those are not facts and you never ever say anything bad about him, even though he has plenty, to your common friends. You protect him this way. But he hurts you this way.
Then you realise that your closest friends did not like him in some way since long ago. They can see bad traits in him. They did not approve of him even though there was no interaction. Of course he did not want to have anything to do with your friends. He would rather watch TV at home or do something else. Your friends love you, so they never say anything bad about him. But they come clean when they know the bad romance is over. It is better for me, that I let go of that person. He just doesn’t feel right. Your friends know it.
Well, actually I knew it.
I knew all of it.
I felt that the relationship is not right within the first week. So I suggested not to continue. But he would say that he loves you. NO. Do not trust words. Trust your heart instead. People can lie. Your heart will stay true to you. Your heart knows what it wants, and what are right for you.
If you listened to your heart, you would have prevented all these, and get together with the right one earlier. And you would be the one happily married.
There would be signs that continue to bug you, if you chose to believe in despicable words. You do not feel any spark. You sense dishonesty. You felt lied to. You felt used. You feel that sometimes you are walking on a thin thread, that he can explode anytime, anywhere. You died without knowing why. You feel his boredom, and yours. You feel frustrated, and you know it is not your fault even though he insisted. You make time for him, but he checks Facebook during a meal. (WHAT THE FUCK!) He makes excuses not to meet you. He finds excuses to quarrel. You are extremely unhappy being with such a person, even before you knew he was bitching about you with lies. (Which made me boil afterwards.) There are almost no common topics, and neither of you are interested in what the other was saying. The frequency is very different.
You know you cannot share your life with this person, for myriad reasons which you might not be able to articulate. He did not try to integrate into your life. His habits are unacceptable to you. Sometimes you find him annoying.
Sometimes Most of the times, he is unreasonable. No matter what you say, no matter how soft you are, you are always the person who started it, you are always the sinner. The world is bad. His girlfriend is bad. It does not matter what was the issue. He just wanted to fight.
Somehow, you know you would soon be the “crazy ex girlfriend”, except that you know he is the one with issues.
All these ranting.. just to say: Please follow your heart.
I have been in other situations whereby I felt extremely upset, exasperated, outraged.. And all because I did not follow what my intuition told me. Again and again, life has thrown lessons at me, reminding me to follow my heart. I know it will keep throwing painful lessons at me if I still do not learn.
So I hope I have learnt.
Although the above was an ultra ridiculous experience, what’s past has past. I am not sure how long the married couple would be happy together. They are deleted from my life.
What’s important now is how I would live my own life, and live a great one!
If your heart tells you that it is not possible to trust the relationship or the person, listen to it, and get away ASAP.
Another adage is true: You just know it.
I am glad it was all over. And I know I am in a better place now. I have found my Mr Right, and every experience with him is pure bliss. When a person/situation/matter is right, you just know it. Your heart knows it. So listen.